


Be, Be Your Love

by sweetsilverlining



Category: Secret Life of the American Teenager (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-13 21:46:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18039647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetsilverlining/pseuds/sweetsilverlining
Summary: Everything comes back to them all at once.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will have multiple chapters. I love Ricky and Adrian and this is the pairing all the way. If you've missed them, I hope you enjoy this fic! I admit, I didn't watch the last season(s) to its/their entirety, but this is mostly canon. You will see as we go. Alright, so here we go!

_Cause everybody's got their way I should feel_  
Everybody's talking how I can't be your love  
But I want want wanna be your love  
Want to be your love, for real  
Everybody's talking how I can't be your love  
But I want to be your love  
Want to be your love for real. 

It was with a shaky sigh that Ricky walked up to the Boykewich home, looking for his ex-fiancé. The door swung open as he approached and Ricky shuffled his leather jacket slightly and backed up with a wary smile turning the corner of his lip. Maybe they could have a pleasant conversation, at least, be civil - it had been six months since he'd seen her, and he knew John was bursting with excitement.

But it wasn't Amy that appeared in front of the door. Instead his eyes fell upon a figure he hadn't seen in months, hadn't been expecting to see now.

"Ricky. She isn't there," the woman said sadly, sympathy spreading across her face.

He took a sharp breath, the figure slowly coming into complete view. "Adrian." She wore a black shirt, a plaid blue jacket pulled tightly around her form as her highlighted, shorter brown curls reached just slightly below her shoulders. She was a bit slimmer, though she'd always been in shape.

"Hi."

"Hi. What do you mean, she's not there?"

She chewed on her lip. "She left. It's just Ben... If you want to talk to him, I was just leaving."

He thought for a second and shook his head. "Of course she's not there. I don't know why she even had us meet up here in the first place. Kind of disrespectful." A rhetorical statement; he was ranting.

"I...don't know. I'm sure Ben..."

"This is just like her," he muttered.

"Sorry."

He and Amy had planned for him to pick her up at Ben's house, but she must have changed her mind. Not sure why he was surprised, he let out a long sigh. "It's okay."

"I think she was heading your way if you wanted to talk to..."

"I don't need to see Ben." He shrugged. "Just...I don't need to see 'em. I'm gonna head home."

"She's probably there." Adrian tried for a smile but it faltered when she met Ricky's disappointed gaze.

He brought his arm up to check his watch. "It's about eight. That's usually when I put him down for bed. She's probably putting him down. Probably'll leave to her hotel before I even make it back there."

"I'm sorry, Ricky."

"No, it's not your problem." He shrugged. "Well, I should probably be going."

She nodded. "Me too. See you."

As she passed by him, Ricky turned around. "Hey, Adrian?"

"Yeah?" She turned her head back to glance at him.

"Were they... together, do you know?"

She scrunched her face up in partial disgust. "I think so. Ben was kind of...well, disheveled, when I saw him."

"That's great. That's time she could have spent with her only son. I shouldn't be dragging you into this. Sorry. I'm just...She's throwing me in a million different directions."

"Don't worry about it, really."

He gave the best smile he could and nodded. Taking in her frame, he watched her for a second as she walked away. "Hey," he called again. She smiled and turned back around.

"You look nice. I mean, you always look nice. But you look different-nice."

"I'm trying for a new look, I guess," she laughed slightly. "Thank you. You look nice, too."

He gave a half smile. "I don't really have anywhere to go now, I guess. Do you want to hang out?"

"That's quite a proposition, Ricky." She laughed.

"Sorry, I don't mean it like that. I mean, it's nice to see you. It's been a while."

"I know. I was kidding. Um... I'd like that, yeah." She shrugged. "What do you have in mind?"

"It's a nice night. Wanna just... meet up at my house, take a walk or somethin'?"

She smiled. "Sure."

They walked to their cars together and backed out of the driveway.

Adrian was slightly behind Ricky, driving from her memory towards his house. When she reached it, he was already out of his car and appearing to be arguing with Amy in the threshold of the door. Adrian sat in her car for a moment, hesitantly turning the engine off and stepping out, approaching slowly. Maybe her presence could break up whatever fight they were having; maybe she should have stayed in her car.

It was too late now. She was walking up to them and biting her lip. "Hey... Amy... How are you?"

Amy appeared flustered and out of breath. She took a deep breath when she saw Adrian and smiled. "Hi, Adrian. I'm..." she stuttered, "I'm good, thank you for asking. How have you been?"

"I've been good, thanks."

"I was just leaving." She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Bye, Ricky," she tried politely, swallowing nervously. "Sorry," she whispered hoarsely before turning and walking off. Adrian opened her mouth and then closed it.

"I'm sorry about that," Ricky said. "Didn't really think she'd be here."

"You're fine," Adrian shrugged it off. "Hope everything's okay there."

"Not really. But you know."

"Not...really."

"Want to take a walk and just forget this whole thing?" Ricky offered.

"Sounds great."

The moon shone bright and full among a backdrop of twinkling stars. Adrian looked out at the sky, breathing in the cool autumn night as she walked next to Ricky, her legs feeling like jello, body slightly tensed up, keenly aware of his presence. "Sorry if I'm kind of... quiet. I just. Why now?" Adrian penetrated the silence.

Ricky's eyes landed on hers and they held each other's gaze. "I guess it's just been a long time and seeing you tonight took me by surprise. It'd be nice to catch up."

She bit her lip and nodded her head. Both of them were older, more mature. What would it be like to reunite as friends, acquaintances? They still knew each other, but at the same time, they didn't.

"How's college?"

"College is really good. It's a new start for me."

He smiled. "Good to hear. I plan to get around there eventually. My mother's more than willing to babysit, but I've been wanting to save up some money first. I guess I've been putting it off. Just working at the butcher shop still."

She nodded her head. She had taken a job as a librarian, which she thoroughly enjoyed, spending most of her mornings thumbing through a book before organizing shelves and answering anyone's questions. "I work at the local library when I'm not at school," she told him.

"Sounds like a good job for you. You like it?"

"I love it," she chuckled. "I'm able to get in a good amount of reading even at work."

He smiled, happy to hear she was doing well. "I'm happy for you, Adrian."

"Thanks. I haven't told you this in a while, but I'm proud of you, Ricky. You're doing good by your son. I always knew you would."

His stomach fluttered. "Thanks. That means a lot. It's hard to be patient sometimes when he acts up, but he's a pretty good kid. I just remind myself to take a breath. It's hard being a..." He paused, the words 'single parent' almost leaving his lips. Were they true? Was he a single parent? Amy had her weekly video chats with John, but Ricky was the one to take him to preschool. Ricky was the one who bandaged his "ow-ies" and tucked him in at night and bought him clothes and food.

"It's hard without Amy around to help out," he finished smoothly. They reached the park across the street and came to a stop, both sitting down at the bench. They were the only ones there among the playground equipment.

Adrian eyed the swings, hanging there, still and unused. She bit her lip and looked over at Ricky. "You want to?"

He smirked and chuckled. "Let's do it."

They jogged over and hopped in a swing, kicking off the ground and swinging, low to the ground at first, until gaining momentum and soaring higher into the sky, the creaking of the swing set bringing back childhood memories. They laughed and looked over at each other.

"Jump on three? Come on, Ricky," Adrian laughed.

"Alright, alright. On three."

"One," they said together, voices getting more excited as they counted, "twoooo, threee," and throwing their bodies out of the swings, they landed into the grass with a thud, falling tangled against each other's bodies. They both laughed, feeling young and alive and carefree, and Ricky leaned up on his arm and realized he was holding himself directly above Adrian. His pulse quickened and his eyes went to her lips, her breathing speeding up as she followed his gaze. Her eyes parted closed and he gently pressed his lips against hers, Adrian allowing herself to relax into the kiss.

"Ricky," she whispered.

He held himself above her, faces an inch from the other, searching each other's eyes, finding passion, lust, and longing there. He swallowed and pulled her back into the kiss, her arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer. Her lips were soft and full against his as they massaged against the other's, brushing together slowly, experimentally.

"That's..." Ricky breathed. "That feels like before."

"Before..." But she knew what he was saying.

"Before everything got even more confusing."

"And now?"

"Seems like everything's startin' to make sense," he mumbled, dipping his head and parting her lips, the kiss growing heavy and rushed as lips pressed desperately against the other, as if they were grasping onto a lifeline. Adrian felt an aching between her legs, Ricky's hardness pressing against her thigh. He lifted his head again to look at her reaction.

"Don't stop."

"I'm scared I'm gonna keep going and I won't be able to stop," he murmured, panting softly.

"Maybe that can be okay."

"Maybe. What if it's not?"

"What if it's not?" she echoed, then nodded her head and pursed her lips softly, eyebrows pulling together.

"I know I'm lookin' at you and you're beautiful, and I want you right now," he answered. "And I'm certain I never stopped wanting you."

"Ricky."

"But everything's been so screwed up. I don't want to screw this up, us. There hasn't been an 'us' in a long time and now everything's..."

"I know."

"Everything's... coming back," he finally got out.

He dropped his head against her shoulder and she wrapped her arms around his back, and they held each other silently, letting themselves feel everything that had transpired since they were together. And then everything snapped back to them at once, their entire relationship, all of the feelings, the lust, the love, the passion. All of it rushed back to Ricky in one instant and he felt himself overwhelmed.

"I'm scared, too," Adrian whispered.

He lifted his head to look into her eyes. "Let's take it slow. This thing, whatever we've started."

"Really? I - I like that idea," she agreed softly.

"This thing that never really ended."

"But it did, didn't it?"

"I forgot," he admitted. "Got lost in the anger. But I never stopped."

"Me neither."

"I'm sorry, Adrian." He shook his head. "I'm sorry for how I treated you."

"I'm sorry too, Ricky. We were both at fault. We were young, stupid."

"Can I kiss you again?"

"Please."

They spent a lot of nights like that in Adrian's bedroom in her on-campus apartment, just kissing, experiencing each other all over again.

And Ricky's mother was more than happy to babysit.


	2. Chapter 2

_The broken clock is a comfort_  
_It helps me sleep tonight_  
_Maybe it can stop tomorrow_  
_From stealing all my time_  
_I am here still waiting_  
_I still have my doubts_  
_I am damaged at best_  
_Like you've already figured out_  
...

Adrian stood over the sink washing dishes from their dinner, soaping up and rinsing off various bowls, plates, and cups when two hands wrapped around her waist from behind and lips pressed against her neck. "You've already cooked a great meal for us. Wanna take advantage of this night with me? I can wash the dishes later, be happy to," he said lowly and softly into her ear.

The heat against her neck traveled through the pit of her stomach. "Mmm, nice try, but I've got to get this done."

"You sure about that?" he mumbled into her ear, peppering kisses down the length of her neck. Her eyes closed against her will and her hands stilled, gently dropping the bowl into the sink.

She smirked and dried her hands off on the towel situated on the towel rack above her. Flipping around, she pressed their lips together into a passionate kiss. Ricky scooped her up off her feet, Adrian wrapping her legs around Ricky's waist. He walked over and dropped her onto the couch, where Adrian straddled Ricky and moved her face to meet his eyes.

He smirked and reached out to hold her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. Ricky bent his head down and pressed his lips against Adrian's neck, gently running his tongue down the length of her skin. He reached that junction between her neck and shoulder and sucked on it softly, hearing Adrian's breath hitch. He gave it a few kisses before leaning to press his lips against hers. They could feel the agonizing heat between them, both desperately wanting to solve it... wanting...

But neither initiating that next step yet.

"I like these nights with you," Ricky murmured, stroking the inside of her wrist.

"Mmm, I had a good night."

"I'm glad." Her eyes shone as Billy Joel's And So it Goes played over the stereo.

"Would you want to... dance with me?" she asked softly.

He licked his lips and paused. "I don't know that I'm any good, but I s'pose I could give it a try."

She looked down, smiling, before looking up into his green eyes. Pulling herself from his lap, she walked over to the center of the living room with Ricky following behind her.

"Since when do you doubt yourself?"

"Lot of people would say I'm not the most romantic guy," he returned, taking her hand and slipping his other hand around her waist.

"Mm, what does it matter to you what people think?" she mumbled and wrapped her arms around his neck, just swaying with him for a moment, watching his eyes.

"Guess it doesn't." He looked down at her with love, which she hoped wasn't wishful thinking on her part. She took in a shaky breath. Seeing his smirk, she laughed. She could smell his cologne and aftershave and dropped her head against the crook of his neck, basking in his familiar smell. "It matters to me what you think," he murmured softly.

"Hm, I think you can be quite the romantic," she replied.

He chuckled. "Can I have this dance?"

"You may," she murmured, smirking at him.

And they swayed softly.

 _In every heart there is a room_  
_A sanctuary safe and strong_  
_To heal the wounds from lovers past_  
_Until a new one comes along_

  
Both of them focusing on the feel of each other's body against the other, the natural rhythm that flowed between them.

 _I spoke to you in cautious tones_  
_You answered me with no pretense_  
_And still I feel I said too much_  
_My silence is my self defense_

"My silence is my self defense," Adrian sang in a whisper.

 _But if my silence made you leave_  
_Then that would be my worst mistake_  
_So I will share this room with you_  
_And you can have this heart to break_

"...and you can have this heart to break."

Ricky listened to her singing, enjoying the sound of her voice, his heart pounding in his chest, staring at her intensely.

Her eyes flickered to his, and Ricky smoothed his hand up her abdomen, rubbing around her waist, and up her arm, stroking her softly, before resuming his position with his arms around her waist, feeling the swaying of her hips... the press of her warm lips against his.

 _And this is why my eyes are closed_  
_It's just as well for all I've seen_  
_And so it goes, and so it goes._ "And you're the only one who knows," she finished softly against his lips.

He drew in a deep breath. They did not part at the ending of the song, both continuing to dance for several more moments into the night, bodies dancing with music that they could only feel. He placed his hand on the back of her head and pulled her head up into a passionate, soft kiss. He breathed in her scent of spicy vanilla and ran his fingers through her shorter hair, placing a kiss on her forehead as they pulled apart.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"You're welcome."

Silence enveloped them for a moment. They wandered back to the couch and curled against each other. "What movie are we seeing this time?"

"Hmmm, it is my turn to choose, isn't it?" she said, thinking. "Something romantic, perhaps?"

He smirked. "Whatever you want."

"I've been dying to see A Star is Born. I've seen the older versions, but not the newest one."

"What have I got myself into," he joked.

"So you've heard of it?"

"I've heard of it."

"I think you'd like it, not that I've seen this one, but I'd bet on it," she shrugged.

"You paid money for something you haven't seen yet?"

"I'm that sure it's worth it, I guess," she returned, both smiling.

He looked at her for a moment. "Alright, let's check it out." He chuckled, moving to get up and search for the movie. He retrieved it from the case and slipped it into the DVD player. Adrian pulled the blanket down off the back of the couch and smoothed it over them, Ricky pulling her body closer to his as the previews began to play.  
The lighting was already dim, a lamp and the television screen producing the only light. Adrian leaned over and shut the lamp off.

"Why don't you just skip the previews?"

"Let's watch them. It's like at the movie theater."

He smirked. "We go through this every time."

She turned her face to look at him and smiled. He flashed her a sincere smile back. "Shh, no talking," she shushed him gently.

He laughed and teasingly tickled her. "What about this, then?" He kissed her lips. She held one finger up.

"Not allowed either," she scolded, laughing despite herself as he started laughing. "Watch the movie, Ricky."

"I'd rather watch you right now."

His low, sexy tone made her shudder. They locked lips and lay down on the couch, Adrian's head pressed against Ricky's chest as they watched the movie to its entirety. Ricky's eyes welled up with tears at the suicide scene and Adrian's heart beat painfully in her chest; this part always affected her, but she knew it was coming.

When they went to bed that night, Adrian could hear Ricky unbuckling his belt and letting it drop to the floor, hear the rustling sounds of him removing his jeans and shirt. She did the same, removing her clothes until she was comfortable, down to her underwear. She leaned over, flicked the lamp on, and pulled out a book.

Ricky's eyes carefully avoided flickering down to her C-Section scar. He remembered when they had...how her eyes filled with tears and a single tear rolled down her eyes, how he pressed her body against his and held her as she cried, silently, her shoulders shaking against him.

"That was a good movie."

"I'm glad you liked it. I thought so too," she said, raising her eyes from her book. She sat in thought for a moment. "Bradley Cooper did an excellent job, despite not being a singer... Lady Gaga was brilliant."

"She was. They both were. The ending was sad."

"Definitely. That part always gets to me."

Ricky sighed and settled into bed with his arms folded behind his head, staring at the ceiling, feeling comfortable and content. He licked his lips. "I might've cried a little bit," he admitted with a chuckle. "I was just... trying to imagine losing someone I love like that... Losing someone at all."

She closed her book and set it down on the bedside table, turning on her side to face Ricky as she listened to him speak.

"I took advantage of you when we were teenagers. I really screwed up. I was so afraid of vulnerability and you were the one person who could make me feel like that. I don't want to lose you again, Adrian. I'm willing to do what it takes for you to trust me."

"It's your trust I need to earn too," she murmured. Staring straight ahead at the wall, she spoke candidly. "After Mercy..." she swallowed. "I was so angry. I believed it was karma. My parents and Ben wanted me to go see a psychiatrist and get on all these pills. But I couldn't. I needed to feel what I was feeling. I didn't want some drugs numbing me out. Sometimes I look at the sky and wonder if she's looking back at me. I've never been religious, and I'm not. But I just wonder. I thought so much about - what if I did get those pills, though," tears beginning to form in her eyes, "I could use them to join her. I refused because I knew what I could do with those pills if I had them. That's where I was at that point."

At her subtle mention of her suicidal thoughts, he looked over at her and set his head next to hers, speaking softly. "It wasn't karma, Adrian. It wasn't. What happened...didn't happen because of anything you did wrong."

"I'm sorry," she apologized as her voice cracked, tears spilling from her eyes.

He tucked her against him and kissed her, her cheek, her forehead, her temple. "Like you said. We were both at fault for what happened in our relationship. But you did nothing wrong to have caused that to happen. Nothing."

She sobbed, frantically wiping her tears. "I'm just emotional. Don't mind me."

"I can't help it. I care about you, Adrian."

_I love you, Ricky._

"I care about you too, Ricky."

He lay in thought, letting Adrian ride out her tears. "I'm having dinner with my mother this Saturday, me, her, and John. If you want to join us."

She sniffled. "Yeah. I'd like that," she whispered, wiping the remains of the tears from her face.

...

Adrian lay watching the clock tick for the longest time before at last sleep came over her. When she shot up in bed panting with her heart pounding, Ricky shifted and wrapped an arm around her waist. His eyes opened, taking in the sight of her sitting up in bed.

"You okay?" he mumbled.

"Yes. Fine. Just a dream." She breathed carefully and lay back down, breathing slowly to ground herself and slip back to sleep.

"Let me know if I can do anything," Ricky said sleepily. He was used to her nightmares, her frequent waking in the night. He pulled her close as if he could keep her safe.

"I will. I'm okay."

He leaned down to press a kiss to her lips and Adrian pulled him in, kissing him feverishly. Ricky opened his eyes to search for hers in the darkness and matched her fervor, kissing her passionately, awake now. Adrian shivered and Ricky pressed his body against hers, rubbed his hand down her arm, trying to soothe her. They lay in silence, just kissing lazily, for a few moments before pulling away and resting against each other, both lost in thought.

The darkness wrapped around the bedroom.

"You asleep?" Ricky asked.

"No," she sighed. "I don't think I'm getting back to sleep."

He nodded and ran his fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp. She moaned quietly and brought her hand up to his bare shoulder. "What time is it?" She squinted and  
looked at the clock: _3:41_. She sighed and slowly pulled herself up in bed. "I think I'll go for a quick walk or something. Just to think."

"Alright," he said and jumped up, pulling on his pants and his belt.

"What are you doing?"

"Goin' with you."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to."

Her heart fluttered, and she took a deep breath and looked into his eyes in the darkness. "Why now?" she whispered.

Assuming he understood the context.

He did.

"Because it's the right time for us now," he murmured back. "And as for going on a walk with you, I want to be there for you."

She embraced him and he wrapped his arms around her protectively, lovingly. "I can't stop you from going out for a walk. If you'll have me I wanna go with you. Do what you need to do," he reassured her.

"Thank you," she whispered.


End file.
